Imperfection is Beautiful

I really enjoy the flaws in people. I'm not sure why, but the fact that we are inherently flawed as creatures of God is a bit amusing to me. It's amusing because we try so hard to avoid it. If we could observe ourselves from an outsider's view, we'd probably notice all our over-compensating behavior, misguided beliefs, and subconscious mannerisms. We'd laugh at how hard we try and fail. The question I ask myself from a more spiritual view is, "Why would God, who made us in His light, create us to be so imperfect, so ridiculously clueless about what life means?" I mean, most people on the planet go their entire life without a purpose. I've never met anyone that actually knows how to grieve properly (or at least help someone that is.). It's as if we are created to struggle in our own awkwardness.

The strangest part of imperfection is that while we try so fucking hard to avoid it, at the end of the day, it's what we prefer. So many obvious examples...George Bush was elected twice not because people thought he was a genius...it was because he was simple and relateable and people liked that. They liked his stupidity and simple-charm.

Men like attractive women. They look for physical specimens so perfect that people have no choice but to shockingly say, "why is she with him?" Yet men cheat. More times than not, the seductress does not possess the same high quality he so admires. It is as if he strives to find a flaw.

People like flaws. I am a perfect example. I am not the most attractive person. My dry sense of humor and unending cynicism can be sweltering, yet I've been able to have more than what I deserve in love. People see a broken tool to try and fix. They see the good parts - money, looks, brains (sorry...not trying to be an ego maniac). They also see the bad parts - emotionally crippled, sociopathic, narcissistic. Now, the first set of qualities is what you think a person looks for, but I believe it is the second set that not only intrigues people, but it actually attracts them to me. The saying, "if you play with fire, your gonna get burnt" comes to mind...

I love beautiful, unique looking people. I hate conformity. Vanilla is not my favorite flavor. I like strawberry lime, butterscotch pecan, chocolate fudge swirl rainbow sherbet all wrapped into one. I like all the bad qualities that make people so imperfect. I want them to be human like me. I want a puzzle. I want stimulation.

I'm starting to honestly tire a little of Barack Obama. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful we have an intelligent, articulate and driven president that sticks to his values (or at least it appears that way). I just want him to make a mistake. I want him to screw an intern and then smoke a cigar. I want him to lie or do something dumb. I want him to use incorrect grammar and make up ridiculous words. Humans are fun. Robots are boring. Sorry Mr. Obama, but please remember that people don't want perfection. If you want to really build a legacy for generations, do like Bill Clinton and make a mistake.

To all, may you shimmer in your own inadequacies. May they define you as much as your spirit. The Shadow can be as powerful as the Moral Self. Embrace it. Show others how horrifying you can be and they will love you even more than ever.

A letter from your secret admirer...

I admire you, and so this is for you.

You may not be reliable. You may not be worth any of this. I don't know yet. I know that I am not reliable. I can tell you for certain that I am not worth any of it. Yet for some strange reason, I find that you cannot see it. That somehow this obvious reality eludes even you, with such a clever and cunning mind.

All I want to do is protect you from this world and all the dangers in it. Yet, perhaps I am the danger itself and the scarring that is risked by my presence is unknown to you. My love for you is dedicated to hoping the ugliness would somehow surpass you. I am torn. I see all that I am in you and maybe I am being selfish, because somehow, I want the good Evan to live on vicariously through you and leave the rest to my body.

You make me laugh. Those laughs are worth every second of internal confusion I suffer when you are not around. Chaos is synonymous with love to me. I wish it was not like this, but I need it. Love isn't love without the drama.

I may have to disappear to make this alright. I don't want to and with every day, I realize how selfish I am. I've never told you how I really felt, rather I hope you will just guess it and accept it. I want infinitely more time with you. Every conversation is cherished. Every moment is valued. Yet I find myself avoiding what I want most.

We are so different and you know this. But it intrigues you. You are curious if the hybrid of our personalities and values could somehow be combined to make something that is greater than the sum of all parts. I believe it can happen. I want it to be you. I've wanted that since the day I first laid eyes on you.

Only a little longer, and then the path will be clear. I just pray you don't get hurt in the process that is tormenting me daily.

Her

Life is becoming harder and harder under this condition. The potential for love is right in front of me, but there is nothing I can do about the situation. I have to stand by. I can only hope that she knows and gives me the opportunity to show her.

My Values

I've been thinking a lot lately about life...about how to live well and righteous. I don't have a connection to a religious affiliation, nor do I find any inspiration from my work. I've been a miserable failure at living with integrity. It is time to change. I've decided to list out what I believe to be important values to live by. The values are simple in theory, but to practice these on a daily basis is difficult.

Here they are:

- Treat others have you’d have them treat your loved ones
- Be patient.
- Be an eternal optimist.
- Be kind.
- Take others at face value.
- Live with empathy.
- Be decisive and confident in your decisions.
- Listen first. Speak after.
- Be honest with yourself and others.
- Inspire others.
- Live with discipline and restraint.
- Never stop learning.

Manila and Scum

It was 3:30 in the afternoon and after arriving at Terminal 1 at the Manila International Airport, I was ready to return to my life in Singapore. I had landed only 30 minutes earlier from Boracay, where I had spent another magical weekend in this absolute gem of the world.

Chaos is everywhere in the Philippines, and the airports are no exception. Hundreds of people wait in the hot sun outside the terminal, saying goodbye to family members that are coming and going as OFWs (Overseas Foreign Workers). Lines are packed, security is a mess. People are everywhere.

As I stood in the security line, my thoughts were filled of the parties with friends in Boracay. The saturation of cultures and races in Boracay is beautiful, and I grinned as I also reminisced at the kindness of the workers at the hotel which I regularly stay.

A fat man stood in front of me in line and turned to speak. Before any words came out of his mouth, I already knew what this scum was going to say. It was common in the Philippines. Worthless and pathetic men, self-exiled from their own country, make routine trips to the Philippines to feast on the weak. This man was the epitome of everything in the world I hate.

He was easily 350 to 400 pounds, with greased blonde hair that did not cover most of his balding head. He lacked his four front upper teeth and the others were jagged and eroded. The man’s eyes were vacant; the kind of vacancy that is seen also in people that have severely abused drugs and alcohol and permanently ruined their brains.

“So, where are you coming from?” he asked.
“I was just in Boracay for the weekend,” I replied, attempting to be as polite as possible. I knew the path this conversation would lead to, but didn’t stop it in its infancy

“Why the hell would you go to Boracay?! What, to see fish? Who cares?! I don’t leave a 100 mile radius of Manila,” he emphatically stated, now eyes were on him from everywhere. He was clearly out of his mind.

After a few exchanges of the usual whats and whys, he decided to challenge the assumption that Singapore was a good place to live. And this, my friends is where murder should have happened.

Without provocation, he spilled out everything that I knew would be said. Once you live over here long enough, you can spot it a mile away. You can see it coming...

“Well, tell me if you can get this in Singapore. I want three girls in my bed, and the rest of the bitches groveling on the ground waiting for me.”

I’m now on the plane and remembering these words. They are echoing in my ears. The few Manilians working around him acted unaffected, likely desensitized to these types, who they regularly see flow through the airport.

My eyes well up as I think about this moment. They are not tears of fear or sadness though. They are of rage, frustration, and anger. I should have swung. Stood up. Done something. Instead, I ignored the comment to not further aggravate an obviously stupid person. I’m sure no one would have minded this man being beaten after seeing and hearing him. My anger spills into thoughts of fanatical grandeur with one desire...to murder...to eradicate these people. To have them beg for their pathetic lives.

Christian philosophy believes we must not judge each other and sins should be forgiven. I am not a Christian. Judgment should take place on Earth from the righteous to the unrighteous. God should not love them. There should be no salvation. Torture, murder, revenge, and above all, justice should be brought to these people.

The only true way to solve this is to remove the poverty. I’m not stupid and I know that. Education. Food. Economic development. The reality is that poverty and its many manifestations create opportunities for these types. It’s the weakest of the weak that lose to the most disgusting of people.

People move to Africa. They build water supplies and whatever else to help a small number of people in a major way. As Mother Teresa once said,

“What we are trying to do may be just a drop in the ocean, but the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”

So, it’s time to practice the opposite. It’s time for us to take drops out of the ocean. Only in this case, it’s the ones that pollute it. Dark days are coming for this particular scum of Earth. Justice is coming...

The Mathematics Behind "The One"

It's 11pm on a Friday night. I'm such a loser tonight that I have forgone the opportunity to hit the bars and clubs in order to sit here and write. Yes, I'm working on a couple of muscle relaxants. Yes, I have had 5-6 Whiskey-Cokes, but what the hell...TGIF, right?

So I had this random thought a few weeks ago and thought I should record it before it is like most of my thoughts these days...gone. I was thinking about the idea of "the one". Ya know, it's that one proverbial person that everyone thinks exists for him/her. I thought I'd provide some logic and analytical thought to the chances that we can actually meet someone like this. I mean, we meet people all the time, right? So why, is it so damn difficult to find people we click with? Well, here goes...

Let's start with the basic principle of probability. First, we assume that a person must have more than one trait we like in order to get in the pool of potentials. For example...

Good catch = Intelligent (x1) * funny (x2) * good looking (x3) * "n"

We agree that a person should have at least these three characteristics. For me, there are exactly 12 characteristics describing the perfect woman (listed another time), but everyone has a different number. The principle here is that there is a measurable probability that a person will have these traits. These probabilities change from person to person. For example, I may say that only 20% of people are attractive, whereas the person next to me may claim that 60% of people are attractive. This would be because I prefer to chase only 8's, while this person is content with 4's. Furthermore, we all have different expectations for intelligence. If I am to say that a Graduate degree is a good reflection of intelligence (perhaps it isn't), then some people may only select people with a Master's degree. This wholly constitutes less than 5% of the population. Another person may say a high school education is not even necessary, opening up the field of his/her choice to most of the general population.

Now for the mathematics. How hard is it to find a person that fits the most basic criteria you expect? See the equation below and the provided assumptions.

Assumptions:

• 3 out of 10 people are attractive (assuming you like 7's, 8's, 9's, or 10's)
• 3 out of 10 people have high intelligence (5 is average)
• 4 out of 10 people are funny (this assumes the same sense of humor as you)

So the equation for just three variables looks like this...

0.3(attractive) X 0.3(intelligence) X 0.4(humor) = 0.036 or 3.6%

Using this basic equation, the chance of you meeting a person that is even in the field of possibilities is only 3.6%. If you add to it other facts such as religious preference, values, and common interests, your chances of meeting "the one" drop to well below 1%. Guaranteed.

It is also true that the ratios for each of these variables may chance depending on your environment. For example, in a Nightclub, the probability of attractiveness may go up to 8 of 10 people, but then the intelligence and humor may decrease. In this case, the equation looks like this:

0.8 (attractive) X 0.2 (intelligence) X 0.1 (humor) = 0.016 or 1.6%

Net-net, you are probably better off finding someone average in all the important measures, instead of choosing one variable as most important and dramatically sacrificing others...i.e., go for 7's with good personalities.

The other option is to lower your expectations altogether. Be less selective. Don't be picky. When this is done, the probability goes up more dramatically than other ways.

0.8 X 0.8 X 0.8 = 0.512 or 51.2%

Now you have over a 50% chance! Of course, your standards have been significantly marginalized. This is what makes it feasible for most of the general population to easily marry and reproduce...they simply have a larger pool of possibilities than those who are selective.

There is one major variable that has not been discussed to this point--the idea that the person has to like you! All the above calculations are about assessing the pool of possibilities, but when you consider the fact that many people will not reciprocate your interest, probability can drop to deadly levels. For example, you may like attractive, intelligent, funny people, but if you are a smelly, fat, a$$hole, the likelihood that the person will reciprocate interest is very low. In this case, your probability drops to a small decimal, almost zero. Advice--lower standards to low levels.

The point of all of this is that simple probability theory proves that meeting the "one" is difficult. However, there is good news. Even under the worst conditions, you still have a lot of chances. If your chances are 1%, then technically there are 60 Million people in the world of 6 Billion that qualify, so be optimistic! It might take a while to search the world over, but at least you know what your chances are.

I honestly don't know how to break down this in any other way. I invite anyone who reads this to come up with another theory that is perhaps more optimistic about our chances to find someone we want to procreate with. :)

The Rules of Attraction

The Rules of Attraction

The Rules of Attraction

I have never understood why human beings have to be so alone. There are so many people on this planet, and we all know several people who complain because they can't find someone special. So many are lonely, so many are looking, searching for the person that will fulfill all of their dreams. I have come to the conclusion that the following rules apply to attraction, which are inhibitors of our finding that "one."

The first rule of attraction is that the person you always want never wants you. You can have all the talents and abilities in the world-wit, intelligence, beauty, ambition, sincerity, you name it. And none of this means anything in the end if a person just doesn't want you. We all try to improve ourselves...look better, be thinner, dress better, or even act smarter, but none of this matters in the end. We (humans) are beings of imperfection (which I'll cover in another blog), and even if we could create our "perfect selves," we'd probably still be far from someone else's idea of perfection. Thus, improving yourself and/or acting fictitiously only serves to elongate the suffering we will feel when we are essentially rejected by the person we are trying so hard to impress. The best we can do is hope that a compatible person comes along with whom we find some miraculous connection. That, to me, is where the saying "the one" comes from. It is by some alignment of stars in the sky that someone actually wants you as much as you want them.

The second rule of attraction runs along the same lines. YOU never want the person that wants you. I was once told that I should marry someone who I love more than they love me, because being on the other end can spell destruction when you feel you aren't getting what you want. I'm sure we all have at some point rejected someone who really liked us, or just avoided them, hoping that they'd eventually go away if we don't communicate regularly with them. And, I'd guess that some have at some point tried to make a relationship with someone they didn't really like. Remember that feeling...hoping something would spark but it never did. Let's face it, we can't CONVINCE ourselves to like someone...it's not possible. Try it, keep trying...continue to hope you can bring yourself to believe it is possible and that eventually, you'll grow to love the person. The only thing we really do to those we do this to is eventually hurt them worse than if we never started in the first place.

The third rule of attraction is that most people take each other for granted at some point. Once the honeymoon is over, people start to forget what they have. How many eyes start to wonder, while the brain cranks away at the "I could do better than her/him thoughts?" We are unfortunately victims of our own illusions. The grass always appears to be greener on the other side, but unfortunately most of us come to realize too late that it isn't. Taking someone for granted is something we all do...we can have high aspirations to not, but in the end, it is unavoidable. The key is to build the relationship so strong that you persevere. It also helps to watch your miserable single friends moan and groan about how lonely they are and how lucky you are. Friends also remind us how lucky we are when we have someone. Needless to say, little gold bands around one's third finger is the best way to make sure your relationship lasts regardless of taking someone for granted...scratch that, it works about 50% of the time in our country.

The fourth rule of attraction is that no matter how hard we try to say, "this is the last time" or "I give up" or "I'm done with women/men," we will NEVER stop trying. Humans are designed to love...our souls are designed to search until we find the piece (person) that completes us. I know I try to stop. I get so hurt that often I want to stop altogether and live some maniac lifestyle free of commitment and desires to have a relationship. But, I can't stop. I'm not built that way. I keep trying to find someone. The human spirit is powered by hope, and it is something we can't run from. A person that doesn't go after love with a full heart can never truly expect to ever have it.

The fifth rule of attraction is that people want what they can't have (i.e. fantasy). It seems as though men become more attractive to females when they are either a)in a relationship or b)married. The rest of us single guys are "up the creek without a paddle" when we are compared to these sensitive, yet unavailable, men. Women become more desirable to men as they gain popularity with other men. Most men have dreams of dating someone who everyone wants...they want the hottest woman in the room. Often, men are fooled by their own thoughts of grandeur, as they are nowhere near the same class (or breed) as these women. Anyone seen Shallow Hal?

The sixth and final rule of attraction is that we cannot choose who we are attracted to. Have you ever seen someone your friends say is hot and you are like, "eh, I think I'll pass?" Have you ever been entralled by someone who your friends think is ugly? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...don't ever let anyone tell you different. If you fall in love with a 400lb women or a man covered head-to-toe with hair, don't ask them to lose weight or have their back waxed. You are attracted to them, and you are stuck with them no matter what.Happiness is an illusion that is completely individual. Essentially, you make YOURSELF happy. Yes, people can facilitate or inhibit this feeling, but it is largely you that decides when you will be happy. So, if someone comes along that makes you happy, go for it, and f*ck what everyone else says.

I did not write this to elicit feedback on my high/low IQ (depending on how you look at it), poor grammar, or trashy writing style. I do however, accept all positive and negative remarks and opinions relating to this article.

Best regards,

Evan Michael Williams